Mad Bird Disease
We didn’t listen! Scientist have been predicting that the Mad Bird disease could mutate and spread to humans everywhere. Several groups from the WHAT (World Heathens And Terrorists) had claimed responsibility for the outbreak. The U.S. is still investigating as to authenticity of the beta max tapes received from the media network OverZhere.
As to what the mad bird disease is exactly, researches have broken it down. Terrorists have combined the Mad Cow Disease Strand #p38 with a mutated version of the Bird Flue TX-780. They synthesised the results on a DANDY 8088 computer. The problem was that the first Mad Bird strands couldn’t infect other systems other then the DANDY on a Thursday at 5:15 in the afternoon (GMT).
Early intelligence reports were gathered about this terrorist conspiracy. Scientists stated that the threat was imminent if the strand would be able to mutate. The warnings were played down through politics, bureaucracy, and animosity . Politicians are blaming the recent changes to the Metacare system and calling for a bipartisan committee to determine if investigations should be started. The rest of us are looking around confused as to what all the fuss is about, but emotionally playing that we care.
At 5:16 on Thursday of last week, the strand mutated. It spanned all over the internet taking over systems. The WHAT has disclosed the virus causes global warming. Members of the WHAT were available for comment, but we choose not to ask out of spite.
In an effort to safeguard it’s population, China as well as a few libraries in the red states have closed there borders to almost all internet access filtering out keywords such as “Mad”, “Bird”, “Disease”, “Flu”, and “Gay Marriage”. What the people don’t know can’t hurt them and will keep them safe. China is known to be an exporter of 95% SPAM mail to the US and will continue to allow its message to be heard, regardless of the outbreak.
“Ouw citizens must be heawd.”, claimed a non-important political figure that no one has heard of. “We awe allowing ouw citizens to send messages to the outside wowld. This is in obsewvance of the Fwee-Speech wites in the U.S. Fiwst Amendment. This is done to pwomote a healthy welationship between ouw two countwies.” Meanwhile, sources estimate that China is reponsible for the speedy spread of the epidemic due the massive amounts of viruses attached to its outgoing SPAM.