Lewies Blog

My primary care physician had told me it was time to move on to a psychiatrist for my depression medications. Today I had my first visit. It seemed like a short session until I saw the time when I left. A few things resulted from our meeting. The first being that she is doubling my dosage of Effexor XR to one hundred, fifty miligrams.

The other thing was big, but no surprise. She suggested for me to see a therapist. Basically put, I am very disassociative with people. It is hard for me to make friends. It is even harder for me to treasure and keep friendships at that. It isn’t anything new, as this has been one of the things that has always contributed to my depression.

On a semi-related note, I’ve been thinking about starting a hard-copy private journal of my own thoughts. I have many thoughts to myself that I would like to record on different matters, but they don’t belong here in the public eye. These would be things like how people make me feel, how I felt about situations, my expectations, etcetra. It would pretty much be a diary of sorts.

I just don’t know if I can keep up with it or not since it wouldn’t be electronic. Writing slows me down and my thoughts race at times where I wouldn’t be able to keep up. Also, my print becomes unreadable the faster I am trying to write. There are benefits to writing as well. Sometimes my mind is more at peace to feel the friction of the pencil against the paper.

Maybe I can even get a little creative and write in Futhark or other glyphs to prevent prying eyes from reading it. But then that would slow me down even more, wouldn’t it? I could always tray and learn shorthand to speed things up a bit, but it takes about a year to master.

Perhaps in the end, I should just use Microsoft Word, or install a blog on my local computer. At least then I can seach things. The problem is that I’m looking for something that I can do while “detatched” from my computer. In all bad humor, this image just really cracked me up today.

It appears that I’m rambling to myself, so I’ll close with the thought of simply puchasing a journal and starting out simple. After all, “doing” is the first physical step to any goal in life.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 12th, 2005 at 1:53 am and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.